the I will List

within the next 7 days I will

get a job

get my license

go surfing at least 2x

beach it till im black and brown

finish essay

book ticket

USAC

this is it

the last night
and i hope to god it ends soon
it cant go by any slower
i want to shoot them all
this is it
this is the fucking last

the list

of things that will happen when i am home

kapena falls
seven falls
sacred falls
manana trail
get a fucking job
catamaran boat ride
floatie waikiki rental
license
snorkeling (northshore)
waianae beach day
see kamalei/baby

a few things i wanted to say

I feel better

stupid

ive never felt this way before
its kind of liberating

cause you just dont give a fuck and it doesnt really bother you

and it doesnt matter anyway cause when she tells you you failed
shes speaking french
and you failed french
so you dont understand a word.

my skin is itching, so im trying to scratch the new york off it.

the last

of everything

usually makes you sad, makes you remember the good, makes you realize this place isnt so bad (but only because you have to be here for a few more days)

but no

crawling! its crawling! my skin! its itching!

ughhh boiling!...the worst part is tomorrow, im excited to get it over with but not to dealt with it

FUCKKK PURCHASE COLLEGE!
FUCKKKK BK HIPSTERS
FUCKKKK MY FRENCH PROFESSOR!!
FUCKKK YOU PRETENTIOUS TRUST FUND BABIES!

I HATE!
I HATE IT ALL!

and i rarely hate you allllll!!!!

all your fuckingclubs are shit, everything here is student run, and you are all lazy fucks who just get seats of power through nepotism and all you do is take our money and come up with bullshit excuses for clubs which is really just you and your friends smoking weed with the schools money

your anti-establishment blah blah blah

your insults are empty so are your threats

you dont reallystand for anything

you just stand for anything anti

well stupidfucks you need bureaucracy thats how shit gets done

of course you wouldnt know

you've never done anything

I take

for granted many things
i get so envious when i see people doing things, things I want to do
not of what they have, what they're feeling

I get overwhelmed by how young I am sometimes how much more I have to learn to see and do
and feel

yet I am pausing now, to look back at the two years I have spent
living...pictures they help remind me of how much life I have lived
how much life there is in me, in every moment I saturate fully

oh these pictures I want to thank you
for reminding me, and now I am moving on again

and moving literally, packing and well it is just another life lesson
another accomplishment for myself

something I did on my own,

its a great thing to still have the ability to surprise myself.
and I am and I do.

and I will.

cry

I need to cry im holding too much in

but it wont let me, the tears wont come

i dreamt of intestines which symbolizes a great evil, or disaster

i fear this is what may come

i have everything i ever wanted, no one ever gets everything they want

my skin is crawling, i cant stand to be here any longer

but i have to, for 9 days

i love you so much my heart cant take it

i wish i were a better person for you, i promise im trying

I get excited

and I draw pictures

thank you

If your going to try, go all the way...otherwise dont even start.
This could mean losing girlfriends, wives, relatives and maybe even your mind.
It could mean not eating for 3 or 4 days
It could mean freezing on a park bench
It could mean jail
It could mean delusion
It could mean mockery
Isolation
Isolation is the gift
All others are a test of your endurance, of how much you really want to do it
And you'll do it despite rejection and the worst odds
And it will be better than anythingelse you can imagine
If you're going to try, go all the way
There is no other feelinglike that
You will be alone with the Gods, and the nights will flae with fire
You will ride life straight to perfect laughter. Its the only good fight there is.

-Charles Bukowski

-Linda

easily satisfied

what a simple being i am

flavor will always make me feel better

like this which is lindas but she left so im sucking/drinkinghers

i feel 10 again sitting in my chinese neighbor's room laughing

notice how my white face matches the white walls ( i've started packing, im moving again)