play dress up

is one of the most fun things you do when your young
you dress up your proportionally incorrect barbies
and yourself


and when you grow up
you graduate to mostly just dressing up yourself

but

now that i found
http://www.couturious.com/

i will be playing barbie again

out there

sometimes i feel like someone hears me
someone out there sees me

but sometimes it seems like theres no one out there

im slumping
i need to pick it up

she made a promise

and in exactly 4 months from now it will be fulfilled completely
and thats what gets her through the days

technology hates me

in my younger days i never had a digital camera because i kept breaking them but finally ive stopped doing that and have gone on to break other electronics
ive gone through a million phones because i cant keep one without breaking it
my current one the button wont work so i can only respond to txts that i get i cant send out any
my laptop
well its in shangles, i had to replace the hard drive last summer
the j key is missing and the notches and screws are all out, but it still works so im going with it
last year i spilled alcohol on my zune, bought a new one...dropped taht in the subway
bought an mp3...lost it...bought an ipod touch and had for a month
and i just lost that.
fuck

i should never be given anything expensive im not good with them

get me the fuck out of here

i hate the way everyone walks about with their solipsistic attitudes
completely discordant with the way i live my life

Stop being so impassive; its okay to cry sometimes, or yes dare I say, smile!

february

can suck it
not one not two but three fucking snowstorms
a shitty holiday that ruins everything
and time moving the slowest rate ever
and a holiday we dont even get off...so we just get laughed at on the day
i hate it
when i grow up i am going to go on a trip
a wonderful trip
every february

only a fool

would think that she could survive a lifetime without anyone
without the love and help of a family
without the love and companionship of best friends
without the love and warmth of a home
without the love and hot hot hot sex of a boy(s)


"I hope she'll be a fool-that's the best thing a girl can be in this world, a beautiful little fool."

What a fool I am.

sapir-whorf

words that other languages have that we need

avos- Russian- meaning best wishes against the worst luck
ubuntu- Zulu- a philisophy that we are all connected and we must take care of each other for which it is how we can survive, survival through others, me=we, we are all one, share
weltschmerz-german- meant to describe weariness of life, pessimistic outlook, romantic despair
weltanschauung- philosophy of life
distingue- french- in keeping with polite standards

In Greek there are seven different words for love, which is appropriate because we love our mothers differently from how we love our lifepartners or our favorite pair of shoes...i have yet to find them, but working on it

In Japanese, there is a word that means a thousand thanks, or a word meant to thank someone in ways you cannot

In malaysian and hopi there is no past, present or future tense...something is simply is or isnt

oh language is so beautiful, so diverse
i want to know it all

Dear Athetist,

You are an an idiot.

To think that a higher being does not exist is absurd.

To think that all religion wrong, is to say that you know more than everyone and everyone who lived before you.

You try to practice your life in the most "secular" lifestyle possible
yet that is not possible.

Religion is in everything.

Language.

Words such as blessed, OH MY GOD!, JESUS CHRIST!, HOLY COW!

and goodbye yes goodbye

the etymology of goodbye came from God be with you.

but is now a dead metaphor we say to each other when we part.

I'm sure the list of examples are endless, but for now thats all I can think of off the top of my head.

smiles

There are days I drop words of comfort on myself like falling rain and remember it is enough to be taken care of by myself.

note to self

you can only blame your problems on the world for so long

is it bad?

that i can see everyones flaws and they bother me to the point of almost hating them
these "people" are not just people though
they are friends, accquintances and fucking roomates ( who i hate so much, and one day i fear i might just lose it on them!)

okay venting blog

dear roomates: shut the fuck up! its 2am, people are sleeping dont fucking bring your belligerent,rude entourage and fucking congregate in the living room (right out side your door)
tell your fuckin friend stop crashing on the couch i dont wanna fucking tiptoe in the morning while i cook breakfast
if something bothers you, fucking do it yourself...dont bitch about the rubbish, fucking take it out yourself stop leaving signs...ill ignore them
stop bitching about your shit...i have my own shit, it goes missing sometimes too....we live in a communal environmen...its not me btw its your fucking entourage that you leave the kitchen so accessible to that takes your shit...i dont wanna hear it

oh be nice....if there are other dishes in the sink fucking wash it...i do this all the time...i also vaccum when its dirty and wipe the counters and do lots of shit...that i dont complain about

i cannot wait to never speak to you again

dear friends,

you have a lot of a great qualities, but at the moment i seemed to have forgotten what they are....
all i can think about is how fuckin stupid you are, how dependant, immature, ignorant, judgemental, scared , flaky and annoying you are...
im glad to have this alone time...people are too much work

dear fellow purchase students,

you are not cool!
your not!
your hipster clothing that mommy and daddy bought you means nothing
your avant-grade bfa in visual arts will not land you a fabolous loft in soho oneday
your cliquey little judgemental friends will drop you...ugh i hate you

dear newyork,

you are nothing but big buildings and flashy lights, and the same goes for your people
under neath it all there is no "hearrt" of NY, you used to have heart and soul but its gone now
one of my favorite movies ever paris, je t'aime was a series of love stories in paris
it made my heart flutter and feel light
i watched the ny version
omg can you say bad mood, it was so depressing...and really showed me what NY is about
and i am certain i need to leave it...i dont want to be like any of the characters in the movie
who denied truelove, and found purpose in one-night stands and hookups
which i dont think are wrong at all
but there is no love in them....real love

dear self,

you really need to re-evaluate the things/people you surround yourself with...you are not as strong as you thought you were...you need to admit your mistakes more that you need people in your life...and to stop saying hate...and to be a less materialistic- you dont need that many shoes!, you need to open up more, give people more chances, give yourself a little more love...and call your sister and family and say thankyou and ilove you more...and maybe maybe try to slow down sometimes..

so what im saying is im tired of a lot of things and well its time to move on.

EXPLORER

when i grow up

i want a garden
i want to grow my own vegetables and cook with them
and flowers
flowers all the time to fill my home

fresh flowers everyday from my garden all the time

saddened

by the thought that some people will never see the world
that they will miss out on so many experiences

it makes me sad that most of my friends will have to rely on my stories
to learn about the world...and not their own...

they're too scared of it...

EXPLORER

life is a series of fleeting moments

of Highs
and Lows

The other day i swear I was on cloud9...today not so much
first off
Why wont people hire me!!!! I swear i am smart, a fast learner and easy to get along with!
PLEASE ANY TAKERS?!!

some bad news today ...i hope she still comes
im mad at my stomach and toungue for always demanding food, shits expensive

but then i go to my class dead tired...completely unmotivated and halfway into the lecture i feel like i left and im in another country seeing their world for myself...and then the lights come back on and i look around and im in a classroom, and i run back to my room because im cold and because it feels like i havent been there in forever....because i went on this epic adventure and have been away for long...but i havent

the ability to escape from this world into another is quite possibly the best High

there are so many things i can do...so many things in life to be excited about i get so figedty sometimes and dont want to sleep because i have a list of things i WANT to do...not HAVE to...but well some i have to, but I want to!

Explorer