its not everyday

you get a special invitation from Russia

or mail from Russia

or a visa application for Czech Republic

or invited to go to Dublin and Amsterdam for a ffucking insane time

or you turn 20, and the fact that you are alive is enough reason to be happy and celebrate with life

note to self

happy 20th birthday

im sorry i couldnt celebrate
and let you do anything and everything kaitlynn today

but it seems im too busy to have a birthday
so does this mean that im not 20?

everyone failed
never expect people to do more than the norm, they are so ordinary and average

tricked

purchase tricked me
i thought it was a place for those who are different, the minorities
its not..it was confirmed when i actually met better versions of people i already knew
the ones i loved, hated purchase as much as i do, or purchase hates them

the decision to leave is perfect

im a misfit among misfits, but im not alone

i learned that i am that 1 out of 4 people (the exceptions)
the ones who truly cant fit in, even in a school built on the perception of challenging the norm
theyre the most mundane individuals ive met

hipsters are the most disgusting group of people, and i just cant get along with black people

i am usually a good judge of character but i totally misread her
ill invite her home

im sorry i overlooked you
lets be friends now

that just happenned

atlanta
i found better versions of people i already knew
of course i make wonderful friends when im about to leave
i wished that i carried around a bag a rocks so i could throw them at you
then you compliment me relentlessly.shit.

italian films suck
there are more bad than good, but the good outshines the good
i can handle anything

i lost my ipod (again) and my fisheye camera
and i dont even care

im a dirty jerk

i have to go on a diet. not for my weight for my body, i was very mean to it last week

im all disheveled
i cant believe it all happenned
i felt like was thrown in a blender with 14 other odd flavors and made this weird but delicious shake
and now its gone

i need a vacation from my vacation
i want to go back but i like where i am now

i used to be jealous when i traveled alone, and saw people in groups
now i cant wait to be alone again

im very likeable

i have one month left in New york
this always happens the last days are always the best days

fearless

a friend once told me that in order to become a pro surfer/skater or in any extreme sport, you have to have reached it by age 20....
the chinese raise some of the best gymnastists in the world, all before they have reached the age of 16...

why am I speaking of this?

I consider these to be some of the most dangerous and extreme activities...
think about it...running at full speed at an inatimate object, flinging your self into the air while trying to land on a 6 inch beam...or reaching over 20 mph on a piece of wood, 6 inches wide, on a concrete ramp flying into the air...and trying to land steady on this piece of wood 6 inches long with 4 wheels attached to it...or paddling into a huge tsunami, over three times the size of you with the crushing force of the waves overhead and harsh brittle reef below...
NUTS...i tell you nuts!
why in the fuck do people do this!

and all at such a young age...

I read once that your risk assesment skills are not fully developed until you reach 21...could this be why..

that at such a young age we are not able to feel fear as easily as those who are are older..
hmm perhaps this has a link to juvenile delinquency...when your young, you think your invincible and fear nothing, not your parents, not gravity, not the law, and not life.

I had an anxiety attack the other day...because I realized that at 18 I left the only place I ever called home, left all my friends/my parents/my family, moved out, took out an ass load of student loans and moved an ocean and country away to a place I had never been to before..why? Fearless...

I was fearless, I wasnt afaird of failure, of debt, of lonelieness, of life.

And had I waited a year, or two...I would never have done what I did..I would have never seen the world away, tasted the most delicious delicacies, felt the bitter cold, seen the leaves of autumn, met the biggest assholes, and most wonderful individuals, and experienced the life of a new yorker....not only have I experienced NY but being here opened me up to so many opportunities, I met a friend who took me to Philadelphia, I found my true passion in life, I got the opportunity to go SOUTH, and spend the summer in Canada...and the most important thing...I got to to grow up

As scary as it is sometimes, its one of the most accomplishing feelings..to know that you can take care of yourself, that you dont need anyone, and that I truly am invincible.

a beautiful stranger

left this in a library book for me to find:

Anything is one of a million paths. Therefore you must always keep in mind that a path is only a path; if you feel you should not follow it, you must not stay with it under any conditions. To have such clarity you must lead a disciplined life. Only then will you know that any path is only a path and there is no affront, to oneself or to others, in dropping it if that is what your heart tells you to do. But your decision to keep on the path or leave it must be free of fear or ambition. I warn you. Look at every path closely and deliberately. Try it as many times as you think necessary.

This question is one that only a very old man asks. Does this path have a heart? All paths are the same: they lead nowhere. They are paths going through the bush, or into the bush. In my own life I could say I have traversed long long paths, but I am not anywhere. Does this path have a heart? If it does, the path is good; if it doesnt, it is of no use. Both paths lead nowhere; but one has a heart, the other doesnt. One makes for a joyful journey; as long as you follow it, you are one with it. The other will make you curse your life. One makes you strong; the other weakens you.


this is beautiful considering I am currently changing my paths
I thought to take it, but I didnt want to take it away from someone else finding it and getting joy from it...so i left it...but i kept it here

a train of goodnews

i got accepted to USAC- PRAGUE THIS FALL!

i got into the PAST program- ATLANTA THIS SPRING BREAK!!!

my best friend bought tix- BEST FRIEND IN NEW YORK, NEXT MONTH!!!

and then all these wonderful good thoughts started to floodme
and i got excited about life again

and im not waiting anymore...im doing